Change You Think You Believe In

Have you ever had a friend come to you and say, "Man, I just need a change"?

Call it the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side dilemma. Change is always alluring, especially in the hardest of times. It's the way out, the way to be good again, the way to make things right. One simple change — a better car, a better job, a better body, a better city, better friends — and we think we can smile again.

A friend came to me with a similar proposition the other day and I immediately thought of the Coldplay song, "Bigger, Stronger." The song talks about wanting to be bigger, stronger and to drive a faster car. The idea is that with these things, you can get away immediately and literally go anywhere because the more-improved you will be accepted. Then comes the chorus (you can check out the complete lyrics here):

I think I want to change my altitude
I think I want to change my altitude
I think I want to change my atmosphere

 It's important to distinguish changing for the sake of change (which is more like running away) with actually changing for the better. Rarely is a simple change of environment going to make life's tensions vanish. Sure, it may ease the stress for a little but when you run, your problems run just as fast as you. Coldplay's song is surely a captivating idea. Who doesn't want to "touch a button" and go anywhere, free of all the things in life that can way you down: a relationship, your job, your work.

It's tempting to want change. Many people in our country were electrified by the very word and concept just a few years ago during President Obama's successful campaign. It was the biggest buzzword in politics. The more cynical side may have come out of people since then, once they recognized change wasn't so forthcoming as we hoped.

Truth is, change rarely is. Change doesn't come because we simply ask it to. It is usually more about us than what surrounds us. A key quote from Obama in February 2008 illustrates this well (it may sound like campaign rhetoric now, but take it for the message, which is pure):

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

We are the change we seek. Don't get me wrong, I'm not by any means trying to make this a political discussion. The meaning I get from this is that if we really want to change things in our life, it starts with us.

And that starts with being more honest with ourselves to get a better grasp on our hangups, while at the same time, not getting too caught up in them. In Zadie Smith's novel "White Teeth," one character, Joyce, is having an unhappy discussion with Alsana about how Joyce got tangled (or as she says, "involved") in Alsana's family business.

Alsana then jets off an inner monologue about what it means to be "involved," which ends up being a pretty damn good answer to why things get so effed up in life some times.

 "Involved happened over a long period of time, pulling you in like quicksand... Involved is neither good nor bad. It is just a consequence of living, a consequence of occupation and immigration, of empires and expansion, of living in each other's pockets... one becomes involved and it is a long trek back to being uninvolved... Involved. The years pass and the mess accumulates and here we are" (pg. 363)

The message: when life is getting you down, instead of looking anywhere for a change, just take a step back and accept that you've become involved. That this is just another turn on life's Ferris wheel and the ride will end eventually. Believe in change. But gradual, self-aware change.

Not saying that will make that faster car any less alluring...